How to Infiltrate and Manipulate Online Debate (Ukraine Section)

Notice to all shills (please distribute this widely)

1. Make sure to keep track of all 10 of your online Identities. Avoid accidentally talking to yourself, as this might appear suspicious to other posters.

2. Avoid all mention or discussion of the role of the Western powers in fomenting and supporting the Maidan and the subsequent coup. If asked to comment on Nuland or Ashton, or the identity of the snipers, follow Emergency Abort Plan A (call the questioner a “putinbot”, or ask them how much they get paid by the Kremlin)

3. Pretend the story began with the Russian “annexation” of Crimea. Describe that “annexation” as being as violent as possible, without making yourself sound certifiably insane.

4. Remind people frequently that everyone who opposes our side is a terrorist and/or a Russian agent. Refuse to countenance the possibility of anything else. If asked for proof, say something rude and use the phrase “little green men”. If this doesn’t deter your questioner, revert to Emergency Abort Plan A, sign out and assume another ID.

5. Say rude things about Russia and its leaders. Pretend the Soviet system is still in place. A small minority will actually believe you and the rest will be distracted into telling you you’re wrong. Talk about “gulags” a lot, even though you probably don’t know what they are.

6. Try to divert the discussion away from relevant facts and awkward realities and toward aspects of Vladimir Putin’s physique or personality.

  • Compare Putin to Hitler. Also mention the Sudetenland (maps and a short historical briefing are enclosed in your info pack). NB – you might want to try calling him “Putler” as often as possible to emphasise this point.
  • Compare Putin to Stalin
  • Compare Putin to Napoleon
  • Remind people that Putin is short
  • Remind people that Putin worked for the KGB
  • NOTE:Experiment with conflating these concepts in original ways – eg “that short putler really is another Stalin, I wonder what he did in the KGB” etc.

7. NEVER call anyone on our side a “Nazi” – even if they are.

8. Accuse those who call the Nazis on our side “Nazis” of being insane and thinking everyone is a Nazi.

9. If the Nazi issue won’t go away, call everyone in Russia a Nazi and thus drown the subject in fog and confusion

10. Remember, above all else to NEVER attempt to answer a straight question with a straight answer, and when in doubt use as much mindless and infantile scattergun abuse as possible.

If you follow these guidelines you will be doing your part to ensure the free and unfettered dissemination of fact and opinion becomes a thing of the past.


1 thought on “How to Infiltrate and Manipulate Online Debate (Ukraine Section)

  1. Very good. I have been banned too many times by The Groaniad to distribute the ‘shills’ manual’ on the forums there. Do you know of a decent forum I can go to (among other things) vent my spleen without having moderators tie both hands and legs behind my back?


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